Self Portrait

There has been a challenge of sorts circulating around the Boudoir community to get in front of your own camera. I decided to take this challenge.  You may have seen the amazing session that Cate Scaglione of Life As Fine Art captured for me, if not you definitely should check it out HERE, this session captured the me that I try to put out into the world. Sophisticated, elegant and a bit edgy…

However….the time has come to really just allow myself to be raw, to live in the emotions that I am feeling and to embrace the beauty of not only light, but darkness.

Let’s be honest here, as amazing as life is, we all go through trials and tribulations and things that make us sort of want to curl up into a ball. I went through one of these things recently when I faced a total violation and breach of trust. I will be honest, I really let this event in my life affect me, bring me to tears and make me question my love and trust in people in general.  I gave myself about 5 days to “wallow” in my sorrow before my beautiful clients snapped me right out of it by embracing their own experience. I got a call at 930pm last night from one of my new clients from NYC, this client might have been my most nervous and vulnerable client to date, but she went through this amazing transformation in front of my camera.  She has finally gotten a chance to view her gallery and called me to tell me how “hot” she looked.  That moment, of hearing my client love herself, that is what snapped me out of it…now the residual feelings from what I went through are still there, but I decided to give myself the experience I give my clients in front of my own camera.

I embraced the moment I was in, no makeup, no clothes,  not even a brush through the hair.  Completely vulnerable and emotionally exposed, I just went for it.  I have been photographed before…but I have never photographed myself with anything aside from my cell phone, so this was especially challenging for me. More challenging than getting the settings right for the dark, emotional vibe I wanted to capture was the self-talk.  I had to talk myself into trusting myself, the same way I ease my clients into trusting me, and by the end of my session with myself, I felt free of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me lately…almost like the camera sucked it all up.

What you see may not be the best technical photography or best poses I have ever done, but they are raw, they are me, and they are my way of saying “I am in this with you girls”

In the words of my dear friend Rebecca Williams “I honor the skin I am in.”