Don’t Assume

by LindsayRae | Aug 8, 2017 | Uncategorized

You guys might recognize this incredibly gorgeous woman, she is a forever muse of mine and I love her so much that I have our art together hung in my office and home…

You never really know the battle that someone is fighting, or better yet overcoming, at first glance. I have had so many clients sit in my office, point to her pictures and say “wow I wish I had that confidence” not knowing that she was fighting her own battles. I think this is a very common theme this summer. Don’t Assume.

Don’t assume you know what someone is going through, don’t assume everyone has your best interest at heart. Don’t assume to know someone at all…until you do.

Let people reveal themselves to you. On their own time and in their own way.

That is one of the magical things about what we do here. As our clients strip down physically, more often than not they are stripping down emotionally and spiritually with us as well. Now of course, I, of all people, am a strong believer that as women we are so much more than our bodies. But I do believe we cannot forget the importance of celebrating our “vessels” as part of the entirety of our existence.

How are we supposed to expose our souls if we are constantly so afraid to reveal it’s shell?

Because that is what your body is after all… a vessel for your spirit, your soul, your thoughts, your dreams, your love, your heartbreak, your failures and accomplishments. Your body tells your story….and what a beautiful story that is.

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“For the past 5 or so years I have always felt “behind”. I wasn’t where I thought I would be, have the job/success I thought I should have at my age. I felt I was at an age where so many friends were married with kids, had great careers, etc. and I was starting over; Reverting to childhood, learning things I should have learned growing up, but an unhealthy environment taught me the wrong lessons. I was lost and a colossal failure.

I spent most of my childhood/teenage years in survival mode, so by the time I turned 18, going away to college was a way to escape. Over the next 7 years I dropped out of 3 colleges and finally graduated, thousands of dollars in debt with a degree I didn’t care about (and a shit GPA), got into an unhealthy relationship that continued to manipulate my low self esteem, and struggled to find what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually, I left the relationship for an even worse one and that crashed and burned and left me completely broken. For the first time in 27 years I had to deal with myself. It wasn’t time to play pretend to cover up so social services wouldn’t take me away, it wasn’t time to pretend that my boyfriend was this great guy and I was obviously the problem, it wasn’t time to pretend my job was going great and had a real future there (or hell, even liked it). It was time to undo 27 years of pretending and get real with myself..and it fucking sucked.

I fell into the worst depression I ever felt, I attempted suicide, secluded myself, drank heavily just to escape. I didn’t even know who I was or what reality was. For 27 years I played pretend. For all of the important developmental stages I copied what I saw from happy families on TV/movies, friends etc. But now it was time to undo everything and rebuild a foundation so I could get on with a healthy life. I started therapy, something I have been in and out of my whole life, but lied through and pretended everything was ok. For the first time I sat in a chair across from a therapist and was completely fucking honest. I read a book “Adult Children of Alcoholics” (holy hell its a read if you grew up in an addicted household) and it literally changed my life. It explained everything I had become. As I sat in therapy every week for over a year, attended some group meetings, explored things I enjoyed and got comfortable with myself, I, who I was meant to be, started to develop.

I remember the first time I said no to something I didn’t want to do, the first time I allowed myself to be ok with my feelings, the first time I stood up for myself..it was all so magical, and also incredibly terrifying..but holy shit I did it and the world didn’t fall apart! I did lose a few people in my life, sometimes looked like the bad guy, but I realize becoming a better person takes these changes. And by better person- I mean a better person for ME.

This “rebirth” as my therapist called it, took time. It was painful and scary. I think one of the hardest parts was seeing everyone advance in life while I was going backwards. It was a lot of work. I was exhausted. But now life is different.

I was recently giving advice about college. I said “you go at a pace comfortable for you. What matters is that you finish, not how quickly.” To me this is the most comforting thing, I wish I had accepted in my early 20s. Everyone’s pace, journey, story, is different and its so important to allow ourselves the freedom of being “in our own time”.

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